Report on the Guernsey Rifle Championships 2025

Barry Plotter and the Magic Targets of Guernsey

In the last episode The Old Framlinghamians Rifle Club took on the daunting task of the Guernsey Spring Meeting 2022 – one of the UK’s most prestigious championships – and returned to our own Victorian Alma Mater potless.

But this time… it’s different.

OFRC skipper Steve McDowell reports from the Guernsey Rifle Championships 2025.

Not quite Hogwarts – Fort Le Marchant.

An AlmaMater Production…

Starring in Alphabetical Order:

Kit Beaver as Ron Weasleydoesit

Nigel Burnip as Lord Vault-no-more

Steve McDowell as Twatgrid

James Mehta as Barry Plotter

Jim Overbury as Professor Balsu Fumbledore

Tsarsha Radkovskii as Serious Crack

Chris Vonchek as Draco-opted Malfoy

Oliver Williams as Professor Several Scrapes

Chloe Wiseman as Hermi-one Ringer

With

Mike Creber as Chief Gnome

And

Nick Thompson as Rangemaster General

“Dammit.  It’s them again,” says the Chief Gnome – Guernsey’s Captain – as he eyes the sea-mist from the imposing tower of Fort Le Marchant on the tip of the island’s north coast, the wind tugging his designer bobble-hat.

The Rangemaster General – GRA’s HonSec – thoughtfully lowers his Guernoscope ™. “Well, it’s not the NRA team, because they are flying in from the Other Place (he means Jersey) so by process of elimination, you must be right. It’s the Old Frams again.”

The overnight ferry from Portsmouth slowly emerges into the dawn.

“I guess we’d better break out the secret weapons then,” sighs Creber.

“Yep. Let the cadets out of the dungeon.” Thompson decrees. “Don’t feed them till after they’ve shot the OFs off the park.”

Three Days Later

Guernsey is used to invasions, which is good because the island’s school-children all get an A in history – they just have to look out of the window at the abundant indestructible reminders of the past as inspiration for an essay.

Construction of Fort Le Marchant was begun in the 1680s and beefed up a century later to see off one such threat from Napoleon III of France whose covetous eyes were of course not the last to set sights on this jewel of the Channel Islands.

Never before in that history though, has anyone tried an invasion twice. Only the OFRC are silly enough.

And with the tour dress code being silly hats to mark James Mehta’s birthday – at the behest of girlfriend Ros “World’s Worst Ringer” Wiltshire who is unable to be with us, our nine-strong team arrives on the range preparing to scale heights, not only with the mighty Guernsey Rifle Team but also the UK’s NRA select team.

Starting in 1957 it is an annual, and famous, fixture. This time the NRA team are bringing with them a fearsome reputation for accurate shooting.

As it turns out there is another Old School club in the game – The Cardinals, all veterans of The Oratory School – and some proper shooters they are too.

Usually, the course of fire would be a team of six shooters, plus a wind coach and a plotter firing ten scoring rounds a piece at 300 and 600 yards.

But, as frequently occurs, Guernsey weather intervened and, despite the OFRC’s entreaties that not being able to actually see the targets would not inhibit our shooting, the morning was abandoned due to thick fog.

Quality Ringers

This is a unique Framlingham team. Due to unavailability of several of our regulars, including Kim ‘Calypso’  Heath who is touring the West Indies with Ireland, we have some quality ringers.

Sasha ‘Tsarsha’ Radkovskii is a veteran member of the OFRC but this time he brings his partner, Chloe ‘Gatwick’ Wiseman who as a former Metropolitan Police Officer, should be able to keep the silliness to less than Public Order offence levels. And Chris ‘Four Chargers’  Vonchek, at 24 a mover in the British Young Shooters’ Association, is a useful addition.

Most importantly, however, we bring with us two of the College Rifle Team who will compete in the Ashburton Shield at Bisley this coming July.

Due to a scarcity of quality ranges in Suffolk and a level of Military bureaucracy governing cadet shooting that would make Franz Kafta start penning a sequel to The Trial, Ollie Williams (S) – the outgoing College captain, and Kit Beaver (G) – next year’s captain – have had shamefully little trigger time behind a full-bore rifle.

Our team mission is two-fold. The acquisition of top-level experience which they can pass on to their own team later this summer; and to have fun.

So, true to Framlingham College tradition, we lent them rifles, took them to one of the most competitive tournaments in British shooting – and threw them in at the deep end. Expelliamus!

The OFRC team – happy if not victorious.

Guernsey has an electronic target system where each shot is marked instantly on your device – smart phone, iPad etc. It is an excellent system which has three advantages over the traditional marking of targets. One, it is instant, so you can get more firers through; two, it eliminates human error and, three, because you can see what’s happening on all the targets at once – long range shooting has instantly become a spectator sport. Abracadabra!

Health & Safety Officer’s heart attack – Electronic Comms Guernsey style

Electronic wizardry – The targets and the Fort

Egregious Ineptitude

We have all shot as individuals in the past three days in no fewer than 11 details. A lot of shooting and dealing with winds almost into the Beaufort Scale rather than the Vernier.

As usual the OFRC displayed the full spectrum of competence, from glorious success to egregious ineptitude.

Chloe, having been stranded at Gatwick for 24 hours by grounded aircraft, and using her magic Boomstick of Karma ™ shoots a near perfect 150.18 – coming second on day two of the championships.

Tsarsha, with the Cloak of Capability ™ smashes in maximum after maximum to come fifth in the Grand Aggregate.

James “Crossfire King” Mehta, deploying the Sombrero of Solemnity ™ manages to avoid the traditional dreaded crossfire (shooting on the wrong target thus scoring zero) while McDowell donning the Bonnet of Buffoonery ™ manages to not only crossfire but to shoot it out of turn – notionally an unheard of six-point penalty.

The lads, meanwhile, quietly and determinedly, having cast off their Capes of Confusion ™ are improving shoot by shoot. From scatter-gunning the target to improving groups and scores over a gruelling two days, they have learned fast and with the magical help of the Organs of Optimism ™ also appear to be having fun.

The Big Match

With only the afternoon remaining, the team match is reduced to four firers, coach and plotter, nestling in between the NRA and GRA team tussle.

An impromptu trophy was created – actually it was a plastic crabbing bucket – between the Cardinals, the OFRC and the NRA and GRA reserves. The Post Fog Compromise Cup.

Who needs silverware? The Post Fog Compromise Cup

Captain Twatrid, keen to include our junior members and make a game of it against such fearsome opposition, negotiated a handicap where the lads would get an extra round – so 11 to count.

So the team was the two top-performers; Sasha ‘Serious Crack’ and Chloe ‘Hermi-one Ringer’,  along with Kit ‘Weasley Doesit’, and Ollie ‘Several Scrapes’.

The coaching will be shared by Nigel ‘Lord Vault-no-more’ and Skipper Twatrid with the ever-willing Draco-opted Vonchek in the key role of shot-plotter.

Fumbledore Overbury waved his Wand of Efficiency™ as team Adjutant while Barry Plotter Mehta carried on his evil plotting mission, spying out potential recruits for his Great Britain team to tour Canada and the USA in 2026 among the British talent on display.

The cliché is that 300 yards – the shortest range – is the killer. You cannot win a team match at 300, but you can lose it. And the OFRC excel at that.

Chloe shoots a creditable 48.5, Kit finding form with a net 44.2, worth 49.2 to the team. But Ollie gets a strong whiff of the Turd of Torment™ and with a couple of outers, scoring two, manages only a 41, then the ever-reliable Serious Crack fills in with a perfect 50.4.

But with the opposition firing in maximum after maximum, it looks like we are now in it just for the fun.

McDowell takes the coaching chair at 500, sparing Chairman Vault-no-more from scaling the 30 feet up to the firing point on his Walking Sticks of Wisdom™. The wind is picking up but steady and the firers are finding their stride.

Chloe drops just one, Kit just two and Ollie, having popped the Bubo of Bad Luck™ a 47 with a V-bull. Sadly, Sasha, finding the Monkey Wrench of Misfortune ™ puts one out from what would have been a perfect 50.10 to a 49.9.

McDowell is accused under the evil eye from Serious of possessing Balls of Bashfulness™ by not having the conviction to make a proper wind correction. Pulling skipper’s privilege from the Bag of Braggadocio ™ he denies it and does the honourable thing – blame the shooter.

“I don’t pull shots, Steve,” he says icily, hand twitching over his gnarled wand. The debate will rage endlessly.

We have found something – tendrils of positively-charged ectoplasm waft around the team. There is magic in the air with the Walking Sticks of Wisdom™ once again parked next to the coach’s chair. The wind is steady. Now is the time. 600 yards is ours.

Chloe’s finely-honed witchcraft brings her a near perfect 50.8 and Kit, under the same spell, also miraculously, hits a 50 with three V-bulls. His first ever possible. Naturally, he is delighted.

Williams makes his way to the firing point, determination in his stride and grit etched on his face (possibly salt from the sea wind, but that’s poetry for you) as he mumbles the Mantra of Momentum™ and also hits his maiden 50 – this time with 4 V-Bulls. Bragging rights belong to him.

Loins girded, Kit prepares to shoot

We are ‘clean’ – ie no points dropped. We are last on the range and, although behind the scores, approving crowds filter in behind the firing point as Serious Crack shoulders his charmed Boomstick.

The venerable Chairman shows its not just a pun and actually rules from the chair. Sasha’s last shot is straight through the pinhole. 50.8.

The not-so Old Frams, with the youngest shooter at 17 years of age and the oldest 26, though coached by the Chairman (78), has fired a never-before achieved perfect team score – 200 out of a possible 200.

Thought we took no laurels, we came in only 10 points and a handful of Vs behind the winners, we felt victorious. We made a first.

Kit & Ollie not chuffed at all with their maximum scores.

As for Ollie & Kit – the smiles said it all. Elation.

Did they have fun? Hell yes. Did they learn something and improve? Beyond measure.

Mission Accomplished.

Our huge thanks once again to Chief Gnome Mike Creber, Rangemaster General Nick Thompson and the GRC for the wizardry they created to make us so welcome.

It was, quite simply – magic.